Brad Wemhoener and I arrived at the gate at 6:00 AM.  We discussed our strategy as we waited for first light to push off from the ramp. Suddenly things went quiet – no wind, no chirps, no cicadas, no bluegill kisses, complete silence.  I felt cold all of sudden.  It was just peculiar. Suddenly there was a loud scream coming from the east side of the lake near the power line. 

“Did you hear that?” “Yes, I did. What was it?” “I don’t know, I’ve never heard that before.” “That was weird!

We both got in the boat.  Pushed off.  We pondered that maybe it was a mountain lion because they kind of sound like a lady screaming.  It was quickly forgotten after we caught our first bass.  We did well so we stretched the day up until the last light.  I don’t like loading the boat in the dark but you have to make hay when the sun is shining and the fish were biting so we fished until the last possible cast. 

As we approached the boat ramp, the light was almost completely gone.  We got the boat on the trailer and the winch strap latched.  After I pull up the ramp, I immediately go behind the boat to attach the transom saver and straps.  Brad started organizing his gear.  I felt a little cold all of a sudden and then it got really quiet like before but this time I smelled a faint perfume.  I asked Brad if he was wearing women’s deodorant.  He said he smelled it too.  “It was Madame Rochas perfume.  It was popular in the 1960s.” He said.  “That is some oddly specific knowledge about ladies’ perfumes”, I quipped.  “My mother wore it.”  Before I could apologize, an ear-piercing scream came from the side of the boat.  I snatched my head that direction with my headlamp illuminating the area.  I see Brad looking back at me from four feet away.  “Did you make that sound.”  “No!” “Are you messing with me?”  “No!” “What was that then?” “I don’t know.”  I felt even colder all of sudden.  Another scream from the other side of the boat.  We both turn our flashlights that direction.  We started hearing rustling leaves behind us. We turned around (thinking it must be an animal circling us) but nothing was there.

We kept on working but hurriedly and right as we were about to leave, a woman appeared directly in front of my truck just a few feet away. You could kind of see that she looked injured.  She looked strange. Ghostly.  Brad asked tentatively, “Are you ok? Do you need us to call 911 for you?”  She continued to stare at us without moving. The screaming we heard before came screeching out of her mouth. It sent chills down my back.  I could barely move.  Brad jumped in my truck and shut the door.  I turned to Brad and noticed his face was pale.  I yelled, “Let’s get the **** out of here.”  My hands were shaking as I twisted the ignition to start my truck.  When the headlights turned on, she disappeared.  We didn’t say another word to each other until we arrived at the interstate.

Dr. Brad broke the silence.  “Do you think anyone is going to believe this story” I said,” I hope so.  For every fisherman that believes this story more Malouf time for us.”  We fist bump.  April fools.  Zero bass caught.  Zero big ones.  No lures used.  We didn’t even go fishing.  Thank you, Private Water Fishing.

John Daniels